how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
