Don't you send me to vm
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
