Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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