That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i've created a new STD.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
