There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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