The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
