be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
