Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
