Come see our sink grown plant.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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