it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
