ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
