My friends, they love my intelligence
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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