I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She bit a glass in half.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize