and you said cock pushups were impossible
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
