Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize