I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
