i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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