Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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