I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
