I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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