So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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