a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
