dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
