i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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