Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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