i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
