I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize