you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
