My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
