I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
