i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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