Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
