You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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