fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
