problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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