matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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