I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
