so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
