my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
