im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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