sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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