32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
