It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
