My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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