i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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