I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
