Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
