Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
