just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
