i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
