She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
