a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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