I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
