I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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