Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
