stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
