considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
