I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You can't special order awesome
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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