I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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