My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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