well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
