HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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