My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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