I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
