Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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