He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
