It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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